


Eddee and Belra

by orphan_account



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alien Sex, Crack Fic, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2012-06-08
Packaged: 2017-11-07 08:09:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Submitted to Fandom For Sexual Assault. Not an awkwardly weird alien romance. Agent Isi-Belra is sent to capture Ambassador Eddee Culhen on Earth after he "accidentally" steals the very-turquoise-with-bits-of-swirling-neon-orange-slightly-red matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eddee and Belra

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Fandom for Sexual Assault compilation. $9,695 was raised! Woot woot! Thanks to Aylah50 and coldplaywhore for hosting it!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
> 
> Readers: Beware. Crack-fic ahead. Disturbing sexy bits. You've been warned.

Earth was a-m-m-mazing! You couldn't find dirt on any other planet, unless if you tried south of the Milky Way. They might have dirt there. But that's dirty dirt. Earth dirt is soooo much better.

You can find anything you want. Just a half a mile back, I'd dug up a skinny, plastic tube-shaped thing. It was so stretchy, and I could blow it up to the size of my head, and it had an itty bitty nipple at the top perfect for pinching. But the inside was the best part! Creamy white deliciousness that was heavenly on my tongue.

"Don't do it, Belra."

"Shut up, Alus."

Computer-ship was stupid. If she had flesh and tits, she'd want to roll around in the dirt naked too. That's how I found my huntress uniform discarded on the ground, because I wanted to roll around naked … in the dirt.

I wanted to feel dirty. The dirt was so soft and left me feeling moisturized. I bet it was a natural exfoliate. I could probably rub it against my skin till I glowed gold. Which I could. Glow gold, I mean. Everyone in my race could, but that's against the point.

"Belra, I really think you should continue on with your mission."

"But it's dirt, Alus!" I screamed into my communicator. If she were human, she'd wince, 'cause I screamed pretty loudly, but she isn't human. She's a computer, so it doesn't really matter.

"As fascinating as dirt is, Ambassador Culhen will have vacated the Motel 6 by the time you get there."

"Five more minutes!" I begged and rolled around for extra measure. She sighed and didn't say anything. She was probably jealous. I'd have been jealous too if I didn't have baseball-sized nipples to rub in the dirt.

Digging through the dirt with my fingernails, a slimy looking creature popped up. It stared at me. I swore it tilted its itty bitty head to the side a bit. Probably checking out my stellar hair. I have beautiful hair, long, brown, and soft. Everyone says so.

Scooping him up from the dirt, I stretched it between my two hands.

"What's that?" Alus asked.

"I don't know," I said. "It kinda looks like a penis."

"It's not big enough to be a penis."

"Obviously not. I think I'll call it penis-worm," I said, bringing it down to my girly bits. "I wonder if it's some sort of natural female gratification toy."

"How can something that small bring pleasure?"

"I guess I'll just have to try it out," I said. The little penis-worm squiggled around my vagina hole. I tried shoving it up, but I think my hole was too tight because it wouldn't go.

"I can't get it up, Alus," I whined. I didn't like pouting, but you try building yourself up for pleasure only to be disappointed.

"Try leading it in with your finger."

"Oooh! Good idea!"

Stretching the penis-worm along my finger, I shoved both it and my finger up my vagina hole. I could feel it squiggle around inside of me.

"Well? How does it feel?" Alus asked.

"It may not be big," I moaned, "but it certainly knows how to pack a punch."

The penis-worm squiggled faster and faster inside of me, rubbing up against that special spot that had me seeing stars, and that's something, 'cause I see stars all the time, living in space and all. So these had to be special stars.

I was panting like King Kong after jacking off. The penis-worm wasn't squiggling anymore, and I figured that was because it had already done its purpose. Rooting around my vagina hole for the end of it, I yanked. Only half of it came out with white gooeyness dripping from the severed end.

Sticking my tongue out, I lapped at it like it was an icicle sucker, and it was just as delicious as the other heavenly white stuff I'd found.

"Earth rocks, Alus!"

"Great. Now that you've done the nasty, hightail it to Motel 6 before Ambassador Culhen decides Earth isn't safe anymore."

Standing up, I eyed my uniform. I was covered in dirt, and I didn't know if I wanted to conceal that, so I didn't. I left my uniform on the ground and marched straight to Motel 6 as naked as the day I came out of my mother's uterus, just not as slimy.

My hair swung between my legs, and I lovingly patted it down. It was my pride and joy. Humans gawked at it when I left the woods. I'm sure they were thinking, "Ohemgee, look at that beautiful hair! I wish mine was like that too!"

Ambassador Culhen was exactly where Alus said he would be. I kicked down the door like Xena the Warrior Princess, just all naked and dirty like. His eyes were wide, and he was frozen in mid action. It kinda looked like he was about to pull down his pants, but only one hand was on his waistline. The other was turning the page of some sort of magazine.

Then I saw his bulge. I mean, it was kinda hard not to notice. It wasn't exactly small like my penis-worm. It was actually kinda big. It jutted straight out, tenting his pants, long and hard and I bet all smooth-like. I made a mental note to grab another penis-worm before I left.

"Ambassador Culhen! You've been a bad boy! You're under arrest!" It wasn't what normal hunters say, but Alus had popped onto the human television wave frequency. Cops was the best show out there.

"Who the hell are you?" he screamed at me, still frozen, his lips the only part of him moving. They were pale pink, kind of the same color as my penis-worm.

"I'm Agent Isi-Belra, and I've been ordered by the Vohlture Inter-Galactic Council to bring you in on charges of theft and evasion." I was proud of myself. I sounded all professional-like.

He dropped both his hands. The magazine page fell, and his pants dropped the rest of the way to the floor. If I hadn't just had a rendezvous with the penis-worm outside, I might have been able to ignore his jutting, rock-hard penis, but as it was, I was still horny. And maybe a bit hungry. But the horniness took precedence over that.

Ambassador Culhen didn't seem to notice my focus on his penis. He just kept yelling. "What the hell did I steal?"

"Oh, you know, the very-turquoise-with-bits-of-swirling-neon-orange-slightly-red matter that's highly coveted and could destroy the entire universe in three point zero nine eight seven seconds."

"Oh, yeah. That." He grimaced like it wasn't sitting in the corner of the room, glowing for all to see. "Would it help any if I say I didn't mean to steal it?"

"How could you not mean to steal something?"

"I was kind of distracted." I arched a thick eyebrow in a silent command for him to explain, 'cause I'm badass like that.

"You see, there was this total hot babe–well, I sort of think she's a psycho bitch now, but that's against the point. Anyway, she pulled me down to the Galactic vault during the New Vohl Party. I thought she thought I was hot too because she was just maybe kinda jacking me off, and it felt a-m-m-mazing because I haven't cum in like forever. And just when I was about to blow my jizz all over her face, she jumps up, steals the very-turquoise-with-bits-of-swirling-neon-orange-slightly-red matter right from underneath my enormous rock-hard and very disappointed cock."

"So if she stole it … why do you have it?"

"Well, she was kinda wearing these three-inch monster heels that looked sexy on her but totally didn't help in her getaway. I stopped her and took the very-turquoise-with-bits-of-swirling-neon-orange-slightly-red matter back, but by then the guards had been notified. They saw me holding it and thought I'd stolen it, so I took off."

"And here you are," I said, my eyes still having not left his penis. "Have you cum at least?"

"No!" he yelled, slamming his fist down onto the bed, his penis waving hello. I wiggled my fingers in a silent hello back. "I was about to before you came barging in here like some sort of naked freakazoid!"

"Oh. That sucks," I said because it really did.

He swept his eyes over me then, like he was, for the first time since I came barreling through the door, actually registering that I was naked. Let's face it. I'm kinda hot, and I think he thought so too 'cause he licked his penis-worm-colored lips.

"Soooo," I said, fidgeting with my thumbs when I really wanted to jump him, because his penis was pretty, and I was still horny and just slightly hungry but horny nonetheless. "I guess you should come with me, eh?"

He chucked darkly and gripped his penis where his green coppery fur was growing. I was kinda jealous. I won't lie. I wanted that to be my hand, and when he slid his fist along his lengthy schlong, I felt myself get wet. I was already wet from my penis-worm activities, but by then, I was practically creating a river down my thighs.

"Oh Belra … can I call you Belra?" he whispered all seductive like and my river turned into a monsoon.

"Um … okay," I said because really that's all I could manage.

He chuckled again, and I trembled so hard from it, I felt the other half of the penis-worm still inside me squiggle around. "I will be coming with you, but not in the way you'd imagine."

It was practically an invitation to jump in. If him jacking off in front of me wasn't enough of an invitation, those words certainly were. So I did. Jump him, I mean. I was already naked, but he wasn't. His shirt was still on, and his pants were around his ankles. He stumbled and fell into the wall.

He kicked away his pants with a growl, which was uber sexy, and I bet if he stuck his finger up my vagina hole right then, I'd cum. Turning around, he slammed my back against the wall, and that kinda hurt. Not like "this feels sooooo good sort of hurt", but "DAMN, you fucker, that hurt!"

But when his mouth engulfed my baseball-sized nipple, it made up for the pain. Unwinding my legs from his waist and throwing his shirt off, probably because I kept pulling at it, he lapped his way from my nipple, down to my belly button and even further down to where my love button was hidden by my vagina hair.

"Wow." His eyes widened, and I kinda smirked all gloatingly like because I know just how awesome and long and brown and soft my hair is. "Your hair is beautiful."

"Thanks."

"How do you maintain it?"

"I have a special natural shampoo from the Herbal Essence galaxy that I use on it every day, followed by fifty brush strokes."

"Amazing," he murmured, still in awe, raking his fingers through the curls. It kinda pulled on my vagina skin, but I was used to that. After all, when your hair is as awesome as mine, people will want to touch it all the time.

Sweeping my hair over his shoulder, he parted the tresses till he found my love button underneath. With a wicked smirk my way, he said, "But at the moment, this looks much better."

"I think I like it better too."

He inhaled and his whole body shuddered. "I can smell you creaming."

I didn't doubt I was because his tongue started stroking me, and it was good. Like really, really good. Like better than penis-worm good. His tongue was faster and stronger and hit my love button in the most delicious way. Practically as delicious as the heavenly white crème.

His fingers played across my belly and his green thumb took his tongue's spot while his lips stretched an "o" around my vagina hole, his tongue stroking in and out while he vacuumed up my monsoon up.

I didn't see stars this time. I saw supernovas. Cosmos and black holes. I think I even stopped breathing as I my vagina muscles contracted and squirted.

I didn't even notice when his mouth and hand left my body, and he pulled away, coughing up a storm. Glancing down, still breathing heavily, he was on all fours, gasping for air.

"Oh my gawd!" I screamed, rushing to my knees. "Are you choking?"

He rolled his eyes at me that practically said, "Well, duh, you stupid cocksucker."

I patted his back with my palm while he heaved, and with our combined efforts the other half of the penis-worm went flying from his mouth and splattered against the wall.

"Holy hell," he gasped. "Will random objects always come flying out of your vagina like that?"

I shrugged. "No. This was just a one time thing."

He looked at me all doubtful like, but how exactly was I supposed to convince him that my vagina didn't turn into a bebe gun when I came. Instead, I pushed his shoulders, and he fell back on his haunches, his hands catching his fall behind him, and his legs spread wide open.

His penis winked and said hello, not really, but I imagined it did, so I crawled between his knees and grabbed his cock in the same place he had grabbed, right at the base where his green, coppery curls met hot, rock, no steel –hard flesh.

Just as I was about to lick him, a wavy thread like thing elongated from his urethra. I gasped. "What is this?"

"I don't really know," he gasped through his moans. "It's like a smaller penis inside my enormously huge penis that likes to come out and play every now and then."

My jaw dropped, and my eyes started to water. Not because I was sad, but because I was happy. It looked exactly like my penis-worm. All pink-colored and stretchy and slimy. I smiled up at him as the tears dropped from my eyes, creating happy, wet streaks down my cheeks.

Never letting the penis-penis-worm leave my sight, I sucked just above where my fingers gripped him. He moaned, shouting words of how I was the fuck-awesome queen of the universe. Opening my mouth wider, I engulfed the head of his penis, taking him in. Pulling back a bit, I let the penis-penis-worm wrap around my tongue, before enveloping his silky flesh within my mouth again.

The penis-penis-worm danced at the back of my throat as I suckled on his tip. His hands smoothed over the crown of my head before grasping my hair just at the base of my neck. He pushed gently but with enough force, asking me to take him in deeper, and I did.

"Fuck, Belra," he groaned. "That feels so good. Your mouth is so hot."

Gliding along his length, I was a play of teeth and tongue, sucking him until my cheeks hollowed, swallowing his penis-penis-worm only to have it dance back up my throat, going faster and faster until his hips moved with me, and he was groaning nonsensical words.

Pulling on my hair, he grabbed at my arms until I was standing. His eyes wild, he stood and pushed me onto the bed, pulling at my waist until my hips were at the edge.

"But you didn't cum yet!" I whined, more so because I wanted to play with his penis-penis-worm a bit more.

"As much as I want to stretch down your throat and feed your hungry belly, your cream down here calls my name much too loudly," he said, spreading my legs and cupping my pussy, pushing two fingers in and sliding through my river turned monsoon.

"But I really am kinda hungry," I whimpered. He just growled and nipped at my collarbone, pushing me a bit away from him so he could adjust his body. He tripped over my hair, and it kinda hurt as it pulled my vagina flesh, but the dark look in his eyes was enough to make me forget the pain.

He flipped me onto my tummy, bent me over the bed and aligned our hips. I can't lie and say I wasn't excited, because I was really, really excited. My body was practically shaking with excitement. My vagina hole hadn't seen a real penis in a long time, and the fact that this real penis came with my very own penis-penis-worm had my horniness levels going through the roof. I really, really wanted him to fuck me.

And fuck me he did. It wasn't slow, and if it was I would have been slightly disappointed. No. It was fast and hard and powerful. His hips met mine with a slap so hard I was jarred forward and had to clench at the jizz-covered hotel bedspread just to catch my balance.

"Oh GAWD, Ambassador!" I yelled my pleasure, because damn if the dude wasn't the god of sex. It was that a-m-m-mazing!

"Eddee!" he yelled, and I was kinda floored for a second there because first of all, Eddee was definitely not my name, and second of all, it was a boy name. I mean, I knew the dude was horny and all, but he didn't need to go against his sexual orientation and fuck a girl just to get off. He was hot enough. There were probably a lot of willing boys to help him out.

"Umm … what?" I asked.

He cursed and jammed his hips harder against mine, and I think I might have whimpered, even though I really didn't want to 'cause the dude was gay, and really shouldn't have his cock up my vagina hole right now.

"Call me Eddee!"

Maybe it was his huge dick drilling its way into my vagina, but I had an uber hard time concentrating on his words. "Eddee? What?"

"Fuck, Belra!" he said, his hands gripping my hips tighter. "Call me my name. Eddee. My fucking name!"

"Ooooohhhhhhh!" I said double happy. Double because he wasn't gay and now I was okie dokie okay again with his delicious hot dog covering itself in my creamy yellow mustard.

"Eddee! Eddee! Eddee!" I moaned over and over as his cock surged faster and faster. If he thrust any harder, I'd probably break through the seams of the bedspread and mattress and end up tangled in the box springs.

"Oh, Belra!" he groaned. "You feel fucking amazing. So fucking tight and hot."

I didn't think he could thrust any harder, but he did. The sounds of his hips meeting my ass echoed along with the bangs of the bed frame hitting the wall. A crack fissured up the plaster, and I had a brief moment to chuckle at the awesomeness of it all.

I buried my face into the bedspread, and I couldn't care less that my open mouth and face was rubbing up against thousands of other people's jizz. As long as Eddee didn't stop until after I came, I was going to be a very happy camper.

And when I came, his thrusting might as well have stopped because I blocked everything else out besides the powerful waves of pleasure soaring through my body. My supernovas and black holes sucked the entire universe in until I was the only one left in a wave of black and every other color under the sun.

I barely heard Eddee gasp behind me. "What is this?"

And then I realized he had stopped thrusting because he couldn't thrust any more. My orgasm-ing vagina walls contracted around his penis, stopping him from pulling out. I could feel his penis-penis-worm elongate inside of me, squiggling around in circles and squares and triangles. I moaned even louder as my pleasure continued on.

"Oh GAWD! Eddee! Cum! Hurry and cum! The pleasure is almost too much." Because I wouldn't stop coming until he did. That's how cool my body was.

He gasped and arched his back, curling in around me. "I can't move, but it feels so good."

Biting down on my shoulder, drawing my life source from my body, he came in liquid hot bursts with a scream around the blood and saliva dripping down my back. And when his penis softened and my vagina stopped contracting, I slapped him away, clutching my shoulder in pain.

"Ow, you clit licker!" I yelled. "That fucking hurt!"

Leaning back on his hands, his knees bent and splayed to the side, he smiled all euphoric-like, his eyes still glazed over. My pussy throbbed with my own post-coital orgasmic-ness, but my shoulder also throbbed with a not as pleasant feeling, and now I was really uber hungry.

With a grumble of my tummy and sad sigh from my mouth, I flipped his dangling penis. "Where did it go?"

Looking down with an arched brow, he asked, "Where did what go?"

"The penis-penis-worm."

He arched his other brow and said, "He's hiding for now. You have to get the penis bit excited again before the worm bit will come out."

"Well, that's slightly disappointing."

"Why?"

"Because I really like the penis-penis-worm, and now it means I can't take you back to Vohlture, or they'll kill you, and if you die, so does my penis-penis-worm."

"So it's yours now, eh?"

I didn't say anything. I just gave him a look that practically said, "Yes, you dumb humping spider monkey of a kangaroo whore. Now shut the fuck up because this means you're not going to die."

He got the message and gulped. "So basically you just want me for my penis-worm."

"Penis-penis-worm, and I guess. I mean you are hot too, and I'm pretty sure if we spend enough time around each other, I'll fall in love with you or something like that."

"Which I'm now forced to–spend time around you, that is."

"Well, would you rather have me take you back to Vohlture?"

"I guess you are kinda hot, and staring at you, as long as you walk around butt-ass naked all the time, is a much better alternative than being liquefied in Volhture."

"See! I'm glad we could agree on things," I said clapping my hands and bouncing up and down on my knees.

His eyes dropped to my jiggling tits, and even I had to admit they're pretty much amazing. He licked his lips, and his penis started rising again, and I watched it carefully waiting for the reemergence of his penis-penis-worm, and when it finally did come out, I squealed like when Thumbelina first jumped onto Prince Cornelius' giant bumblebee.

He cleared his throat. "Do you think we have time for a second round before we have to go?"

Turning on my communicator, I called up to Alus, "What do you think?"

I didn't even need to explain the situation. She always knew what was going on. She'd probably spied on Eddee and me while we were screwing, that nasty whore.

"I'd say a second round was okay, but I'd have to immediately beam you up after, so hurry it up."

"Awesome!" I yelled, jumping onto Eddee so that I was straddling his legs. He penis-penis-worm tickled at my vagina hole as Eddee carefully gathered my hair and threw it over his hip. "We have to be quick."

"No problem. I can do quick. Can you?"

"I can do anything you can do!"

"Well, hop to it then!"

And hop I did. Up and down. Over and over. Faster and faster and harder. Till his penis-penis-worm reacquainted itself with my orgasm-ing vagina walls. And when I saw that cosmos, it went on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ev–.


End file.
